Some people do still feel happy when struggling to conceive
Believe it or not this is true. I have met these people! I am currently working with some of these people. Was I one of these people (when I was struggling to conceive)? No, I wasn’t!
Research tells us that happiness rarely “just happens”. More often happiness comes from planning and pursuing things that are important to us.
Let’s take learning the piano as an example. If you expect to “be brilliant” straight away, you are not likely to feel happy when playing. But if you plan and pursue your goal of playing the piano – and focus on improving – piano playing is likely to be a source of happiness in your life.
We are happier if our focus is on “getting better”
Research shows that we are more likely to be happy if we set and work towards goals that are meaningful to us. We are happier if our focus is on “improving” rather than being “brilliant” straight away.
In my work, supporting women who are struggling to conceive, I notice the same is often true in relation to how one experiences their fertility journey.
Expectations and happiness
Many women who expected to get pregnant “straight away” feel deeply unhappy when struggling to conceive. The unhappiness can deepen as time goes on. (This was certainly me, when I was struggling to conceive).
Other women feel frustrated when struggling to conceive, and experience tough times, but still describe themselves as happy.
In my work, I see that the desire and longing for a baby is equally strong in both “groups” of women. It is not the case that those who still feel happy, when struggling to conceive, want a baby any less than those who feel unhappy.
So why is it, that some people continue to “feel happy” when struggling to conceive and others really don’t?
A “fixed ability” belief
Happiness is a complex topic. And of course, each of us is a unique individual and there are many factors that contribute to our sense of happiness and wellbeing. However, research suggests that a major factor, in our overall sense of happiness, is whether or not we believe that ability is “fixed”.
A “fixed ability” belief is when you believe that intelligence, personality, abilities and physical aptitudes are fixed. Either consciously, or unconsciously, you believe that no matter what you do, you won’t improve.
In life, we often hear “fixed ability beliefs” in casual conversation. Comments like: ‘I could never be an artist, I can’t even draw a straight line’. Or ‘I can’t dance, I’ve got two left feet’.
Our belief systems are shaped over a lifetime and many of our beliefs are unconscious. They are outside our awareness, but have a strong influence on how we experience life. When struggling to conceive, you are more likely to feel unhappy if you have a fixed belief about your fertility
Do you ever hear yourself saying things this?
‘I’m never going to get pregnant’, ‘I’m destined not to have a baby’ or ‘It’s written in my genes’?
If you do, this suggests you may have a fixed belief about your fertility.
A fixed belief about your fertility will leave you feeling that no matter what you do, you can’t really improve your fertility. You will feel stuck, hopeless and frustrated.
This may lead you to stop making choices or taking action that will increase your fertility and improve your chance of a successful pregnancy. And – as research shows – when not pursuing a goal that is meaningful to you, you do not feel happy.
Beliefs are not facts – so they can change!
There was a time when the human race believed the world was flat. Everyone lived according to that belief – and then that belief changed. Today, we can’t “un-believe” that the world is round.
If you are struggling to conceive, and feel unhappy, I would LOVE for you to change your beliefs about your fertility.
You can feel SO much better
When you believe there are things you can change to improve your fertility you will feel happier.
You will be far more likely to plan and PURSUE things that can make a difference to your fertility. Goals that you set and WORK TOWARDS will enhance your fertility health.
The choices you make and the actions you take will be aligned with your desire to have a baby.
You will be focused on the destination, but also feel a sense of control over your journey.
When your focus is on improving your fertility, you will feel happier.
I understand that struggling to conceive is not easy – but it can be EASIER
It is really tough when you are struggling to conceive. I’ve been there and know just how hard it can be. If in any doubt please read this blog about my personal experience of infertility and why I do this work.
In my work at Fertile Mind and Body there is no judgement or blame. There is no “should” or “shouldn’t”. We connect with where you are, who you are and how you are.
If you are struggling to conceive and feel unhappy, stuck, unmotivated or fed up – please reach out for support.
Some gentle, but powerful, mindset shifts really can make such a difference. Not just to the journey but also your chance of reaching your desired destination.
Our minds and our bodies are in constant communication – and each influences the other. I would love to support you to ensure your mind-body communications are programmed for fertility.
My Foundations of Fertility Program will create the mindset shifts that you need.
And then my Achieve Your Optimal Fertile State program, will teach you how to use the mind-body connection for your optimal fertility.
I would love to hear from you and you can contact me here.
With best wishes