I am not a fan of the term “trying to conceive” and also dislike its common abbreviation, “TTC”.
The word “try” implies failure
Let’s think about some common, everyday uses of the word “try”:
Your prosecco loving friend says to you “I’m trying to give up drinking”.
Do you find yourself thinking “Wow, she will never, ever drink a glass of prosecco again? I doubt it.
And does that friend become (and remain) teetotal? Usually not.
The word “try” implies failure.
Here’s another example:
You are invited to something that you really, really don’t want to go to. You’d rather stick needles in your eye than go to this thing. And you hear yourself saying “I’ll try to make it”. Will you go to that thing? No, of course you won’t!
The word “try” implies failure – so stop trying to conceive!
Trying takes effort
Another reason that I dislike the term “trying to conceive” is that trying requires effort. I am not against putting in effort and many achievements in life do require effort. But, the word “trying”, is only appropriate when effort can bring the desired result.
Trying to run 5k in under 25 minutes is appropriate – because running takes effort. Trying to conceive is not appropriate because the actual moment of conception cannot be achieved through effort. Conceiving is a non-conscious process – so stop trying to conceive!
Stop trying to conceive and start actively preparing for conception
There are, of course, many things that you can do to increase your chance of conceiving and some of those things require effort (and therefore trying). Keep doing those things!
But because of the implied failure associated with word “trying”, I encourage you to STOP SAYING that you are trying to conceive.
Whenever you hear yourself saying (or thinking) that you are trying to conceive, replace that statement with one of the following:
“I’m preparing to conceive”
“I’m ready to conceive”
“I’m actively supporting conception”
“I’m nurturing optimal conditions for conception”
An energy shifting self-help tool:
If you want to be pregnant, I’d love to help you shift the “implied failure” that may have become ingrained as a result of habitually saying that you are trying to conceive.
Take a few moments to sit quietly, take a few slow comfortable breaths and turn your attention inwardly, “tune in” to where you are. Repeat the words “I’m trying to conceive” (in your mind or out loud). As you say these words, notice your emotional response, your physiology, your sense of energy and any images that may come to mind.
Take a big cleansing breath, shake your hands, arms and body to release the negativity!
Now, repeat the above exercise, but this time say the phrases listed above: I’m preparing to conceive, I’m ready to conceive, I’m actively supporting conception, I’m nurturing optimal conditions for pregnancy. Again, as you say these words, notice your emotional response, your physiology, your sense of energy and any images that may come to mind.
It feels different, right?
This is because you have removed the implied failure that is associated with the word “trying”.
A healthy mindset leads to healthy choices
To take this exercise a step further, ask yourself: What can I do today that demonstrates that I am…. (insert one of the above healthy statements). For example: What can I do today that demonstrates that I am actively supporting conception?
And then, commit to doing that one thing. Daily practice of this technique builds a positive expectation of pregnancy and leads to automatically making choices that support fertility. Automatic is good! Automatic takes the effort out of “trying”!
Simple techniques such as this can make such a difference to how you experience your fertility journey.
If you would like to work with me, to nurture a healthy mindset for pregnancy then I would love to hear from you. We can work together in person, if you live close to travel to Oxford. If you live far away, we can work together online. Many of my clients are surprised how effective online working can be (not the mention the benefits of time efficiency, due to no travelling!). I use a program called VSee (which is like Skype or Facetime) but is NHS standard in terms of security, so it is fit for confidential, therapeutic purposes.
With my best wishes
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